Thursday, May 12, 2005
For the past few days I was feeling awkward, sad,happy and all
kinds of feelings came..Yeah, yesterday was my birthday.I just turned 17.woo hoo..I 've been waiting for the time to come as birthdya is always a special day for everyone.After I went to meet him, I went home, then I went to East Coast Park alone.As I was feeling rather down for the past few days.Indeed, he still had some feelings for me..It seems that he would want to forget me.He wants to be alone.I was at East Coast, smelling the fresh air,looking at the waves,the waves seems big.I was sitting on the rock and yet the sea water can splash me..lolx...I was bored, I even SMS-ed Xin Xin, called Brother Kun.I told him that yesterday was my birthday he was shocked and kept asking whether am I joking etc.I told him I was not.So he sang birthday song through the phone,I was busy laughing and thank him at the same time.I we chated for a while and he knew what kind of problem am I facing...Yeah, xin xin is also having the same problem as me.She told me that she's willing to wait for Eddie (Chen Wei )as she loves him deeply.Xin Xin even gave me solutions of what I should do and how should I tell him..I followed her idea..
Whatever it is, I gonna be the happy, bubbly girl..But I just wanna tell him that no matter what, I'll always welcome him back , be by his side, I'm willing to wait, If there's anything, he can always look for me just like how my relationship between me and Brother Kun....I'm not sure if the break is a permanent or temporary one.Sometimes it seems to me that the break is temporary.But I wonder what is his point of view.Is this break a permanent one to him?I would really wanna know before I start to gain confidence to fall in love ever again...Frankly speaking,this is my first time liking someone so deeply...In the past I must say that I don't really seems to have the heart to care for the person whole heartedly....But now, I realised I did...Though is painful..But is worth it....I'm not putting so much hope in this stuff between he and me..This is because the more hope you put in, the more disappointment you'll gain...
This year birthday, is somehow special becuase I have my secondary school buddies send ing me an online greeting card. or even and SMS...I really wanna thank the people around me especially my mum.For bringing me up for 17 years and going through labour pain on 11th May...
This morning, I even visualised myself in some beautiful,relaxing, place...everywhere is filled with plants/flowers..the special plant is called lavender I was day dreaming, having fun with him chatting then we made a promise..I wasn't sure what exactly did we promise about..Hmm...probably is about we 2 promise to wait for each other to be ready to be together again..Gosh! what am I thinking??Well, I'll just gonna look on the bright side of life..IF we can never be together again, then as long as he treat me as a close friend( like how this r/s of being a close friend between brother Kun and me) I'll just be contened than ever...
torn
